11/05/2009

on (not) wearing a costume

I had the perfect Halloween costume all figured out for this year. It's actually a running joke that I should dress up as the heroine from Planet Terror (because of the amputee-thing) and I finally decided that I would take the time to pull the costume together (oh, except that I wasn't going to wear a bikini-top, because that would be truly scary)...


But I encountered one huge problem...when I went to buy the replica gun to use for my prosthetic leg, I realized that I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to actually purchase a weapon, even a 'fake' one. I know I'm a sissy...but I couldn't even let my kids own or use water guns because they represented something that was so violent and reprehensible to me. And there's something about guns that just repulses me, every deep part of me that cherishes life (even animal life). Even in fun, even as a costume, I couldn't violate that--I knew if I did I would be betraying myself.

So...no groovy heroine costume. Instead I rummaged through my drawers and came out with a permutation of my usual gypsy-boho-cabaret dancing girl. To a gathering the night before Halloween I wore my favorite corset, a black tutu, and some leggings. I felt completely comfortable and so me. On Halloween itself I wore something very similar, but with an a-line black skirt and a deep blue underblouse...

from the back (taken with iPhone)

from the front

By way of full disclosure: I did shoot a gun at least once as a teen. It's a pretty vivid memory because the kick knocked me right over (granted, I was doing it while balanced on one leg, so it's not like I was the steadiest shooter in the West). I think it was my Dad's shotgun and it was loaded with birdshot.

PS: John was out of town on Halloween weekend, so these pics kind of suck because I was trying to take them of myself...
PPS: I was feeling a bit under the weather on the actual night of Halloween, so after dinner with friends I came home and worked on my dissertation for several hours. I am such a dork.

6 comments:

C. L. Hanson said...

I know how you feel. I haven't forbidden my kids from getting water guns, but I try to avoid toy weapons, and wouldn't feel comfortable getting a big (toy) gun like that for myself, even as a joke...

G said...

I really respect individuals like you, your commitment to non-violence and honoring who you really are.

I must admit that in spite of my claims toward pacifism, I DO have an abiding fascination with violence and weapons of all kinds, not sure how to reconcile that. (my own upbringing included lots of gun shooting.)

btw, I'm so very in love with all your costume ideas. (really wanting a tutu now).

Kristen said...

Never heard of Planet Terror, so I'm a little shocked to see a gun being used as a prosthetic. Wow.

As for your eventual costume - it looks really pretty, but how the hell do you breathe all laced up like that?

jana said...

Kristen:
It's a Tarantino spoof of a zombie movie. A pretty fun watch, actually.

As for the corset--you breathe up instead of out. And sitting is not easy--it works better to either recline or stand. :) But usually I just have a friend loosen my laces if I'm going to sit for awhile...

Marta said...

gun as prosthetic>>sword into plowshares...??

jana said...

maybe it would be a sword>>>ploughshares thing if she didn't use her gun-leg to kill off thousands of zombies and save the world. :)