The past few weeks have been busy with many small projects, with mini-goals, and minor accomplishments. I haven't found much time for blogging or photo-taking because I've been busy with gardening & research & ramping up my exercise routine in preparation for outrigger races that will be four or five times as long as previous ones.
However, I thought I'd create a list of random links to some fascinating items that have crossed my computer screen recently. And, for those of you who haven't yet adopted twitter, you can drop by to see my "tweets" for a better idea of my daily happenings.
--Two pieces of fascinating art & history from the NY Times: on dinosaurs and Monticello (perhaps you can see why Jefferson remains my fav founding father, to this day).
--At times, when I've expressed frustration about the daily pains that come from being an amputee, I've been reminded by the religiously-inclined that such pain will bring me closer to Jesus. Let me just day that that's not a line of thinking that works very well for me. Here's a Freakonomics article that explores the 'necessity' of pain.
--Tired of boring conferences & conventions (for me, no matter how scintillating the conference, I get a headache after about 3 hours of sitting in a hotel ballroom. Ugh.)? So you might want to think about a THATCamp model instead.
--I haven't read Sleeping Naked Is Green
--And speaking of nudity, I'm up for an award for a photo of my belly button. It's completely silly, but if you're in the mood to cast a vote for my navel, go for it (scroll down to item #17).
--To close on a more serious note, anyone who loves the poetry of Mary Oliver (and who doesn't?) this writing about the lands that inspire her, is simply a must-read. Thanks, Vajra, for sending the link my way!
7/09/2009
some loose ends (with a bit of nudity)
7/05/2009
fireworks
Twenty-five years ago I watched a display of fireworks from my hospital room window, knowing that in the morning I would be wheeled into surgery to remove the tumor in my knee via the amputation of my leg. My cancer diagnosis was in May and I'd had six weeks of subsequent chemotherapy. All the while, of course, praying for the miracle that would mean that God would cure my of the cancer before the amputation surgery. Dad stayed with me that night, July 4th 1984, pushing my wheelchair to the large window by the elevators that offered an even better view of the aerial display.
Since then I find it difficult to get excited about fireworks. I mean, I can enjoy them and be overwhelmed in the sensation of sound and light. But...I rarely seek them out on my own, typically eschewing 4th of July activities that involve them, preferring to picnic or relax with friends.
My friend Brecken recently gave me a new reason to feel ambivalent about fireworks. In her work with HandReach she learned that 90% of the world's fireworks are manufactured in one Chinese village, and she's met many of the victims of accidents that have occurred as a result of this incredibly dangerous industry. If you'd like to hear a story about the human impact of fireworks manufacturing, click on the link below.
As for me, from now on I think I'll stick to displays like the one pictured above--it offers enough 'fireworks' for me.
7/04/2009
pure yum
Having John back in the kitchen makes everything so right in the world once again! Last year, due to my extended illness, we got out of our local eating habit. This morning after a trip to the Farmer's Market, we are back in business. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be making such conscious healthy choices once again.
Picture above is the bottom layer of a fig, pesto, and mozzarella sandwich that John assembled for our lunch, before it was warmed in the oven. I made the pesto by whirring some basil from our garden with some olive oil, garlic, fresh grated parmesan, and a handful of pecans. Pure yum.
6/26/2009
6/24/2009
home-place
Though I really love traveling, it feels delicious to get back into the routines of home and to sleep in my own cozy bed again. :)
I had a lot of time to think this past week while I was out of town, and as my mind turned to thoughts of home I started making some mental lists about my goals, values and priorities. So much of our home life reflects the intentional choices of our family.
For example, we embrace small footprint living, the effect of which is that we currently live in a small on-campus home rather than in a suburban tract. We spend our discretionary funds on travel rather than on late-model cars. Our clothes are functional but not fancy. We tend to eat fresh & local gourmet-style foods, and our kids can tell the difference between an artisan cheese and a supermarket imitation. We recycle and compost and grow our own. If you drop by, you will be offered a chair and a cup of tea or a glass of wine, as well as an earful of conversation.
While on the road I thumbed through some "home" magazines, admiring the beauty of the decor and comparing them to my own nothing-like-a-magazine-layout home. It made me feel sort of inadequate and empty. Wondering where I'd gone wrong because of my own lack of artfulness and taste. This thought came rather specifically as I thumbed through a "Coastal Living" magazine and fantasized a bit about having a beach cottage with pale blue walls and white linens (sigh). But...can you even imagine the nightmare of cat hair that would collect on a white couch?
I am just not a fancy living room person, nor would such decor mesh with my chosen lifestyle. I think I will forever be the kind of person who will have to scooch over a pile of books or a sleeping kitty to make space for you to sit down when you drop by. I might even have to wash a mug or two for that tea that we'll share. And you might find me wearing my gardening jeans with their holes and mud-dirty hems, rather than anything fashionable.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm "doing it wrong," and perhaps I should be setting my sights a bit higher, or working harder to have nicer "things" and be a better hostess. But I think I'm really more in the stage of life where I've realized that I just don't find joy in those pursuits. I'd far rather have a lazy conversation with a friend, spend the afternoon puttering in my garden, take the kids to a new bookshop, go for a swim, read a novel, bake some muffins, paddle a canoe, or take pictures of the sunset.
I know my life is unusual, even strange, to many people who have made other types of lifestyle choices. And there are days that I wonder if maybe I should work harder to conform to society's expectations or aspirations. But then I walk in that front door and melt into my favorite chair with a kitty at my side. I look out over the broad green field that we share with our adjacent neighbors and I see our garden off in the distance. I hear the kiddos chattering away in their room as they make their summer dream lists. I sip on a latte from a favorite flowery mug, my drink made by John after waking together this morning. And I am satisfied. To know that I am truly home.
Picture: a bunch of climbing roses cut from my garden in a vase placed on my back porch table that's covered with a favorite vintage cloth that I found at a thrift shop many years ago. How's that for picture-perfect? :)
6/18/2009
thank you from Huang Meihua
Huang Meihua, the 12 year-old girl who was the recipient of my birthday wish donations, sent this thank you note to me and to all of those who contributed. Our money was wired to her family this week, for her ongoing medical care (and specifically for those prosthetic legs that she needs).
Friends, you are WONDERFUL.
A note for you:
I’m Brecken, the director of HandReach — the one who got to actually collect the money that Jana raised for her birthday wish to Meihua, the 12-year-old in China whose legs had been amputated in the Sichuan earthquake. We wired the money Jana raised to Meihua’s family about a week ago, and our coordinator in China told Meihua how “Auntie Jana” had raised this money in honor of her own birthday. Meihua said she was very touched and inspired by Jana’s big heart, thinking of others instead of just thinking about her own life. She said she hopes to grow up to be a woman like Jana someday and help children who need it. I’ll be meeting Meihua personally in a couple of weeks, and will look forward to sharing the photos of Meihua’s new prosthetic legs with Jana and all of her wonderful friends!
6/17/2009
my thoughts on open-ness
This morning I found several new bright yellow roses had opened in my garden. It was my intention to share them with you via a few pictures, but when I turned on my camera I learned that my battery pack was dead. Oops! So here's a photo of an orange rose from a few weeks ago for you to enjoy.
Today I'm thinking about open-ness. It's a topic that I've discussed fairly often on my blog. For example, one of my primary aims in blogging was to discuss my disability in an open and honest way. There's a strong taboo in our culture about addressing physical differences, and it seemed that a blog was a great way to initiate the discourse.
Of course there are risks to being open. When I talk about my experience as an amputee, I'm vulnerable to cyber-stalking by folks who have acrotomophilia (a sexual fetish for amputee women). So at some point I had to decide that the benefits of blogging about my disability outweigh the risks of attracting the wrong crowd of visitors to my blog.
Similarly, my discussions about my spiritual journey have often touched on the taboo. I've been open about my frustrations with the LDS church and my experiences as a marginal member. My attraction to Quakerism has also been an significant thread in this journey and it's been important for me to share that with you, even though my Mormon readers might find it disconcerting. I know that some of my extended family members follow my blog and are saddened to hear that I'm not currently active in the LDS church. But the reality of that is that many of our family members have left activity--it's not just me. And I appreciate open dialogue with family members from both extremes of the faith spectrum. I love hearing about how your spiritual experiences have impacted your life choices. Truly. Now I am not going to tell anyone how to live their lives, but I would encourage those who have something to say to me about the church or any other aspect of my life to feel free to initiate that dialog. I will listen to and respect your thoughts, even if my beliefs are different than yours.
In this process of navigating my journey it's been my aim to be as sincere and honest as possible. I learned long ago that speaking my truth makes me vulnerable to hurt*, but it also helps me to live authentically. I am not one person in a church setting and another person at home. I am not different online than I am in person. I am not ashamed of anything I believe nor of any of my actions.
*and yes, it does pain me sometimes when anonymous folks leave rude comments. I am not made of steel (although approximately 1/4 of my body is a carbon-fiber composite that's pretty rugged stuff).
6/16/2009
climbing
or at the prompting of books, -- it is our custom to think in the open air, walking, leaping, climbing, or dancing on lonesome mountains by preference,
or close to the sea,where even the paths become thoughtful.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche
Someone once said to me, that because I've had to fight so hard for things in my life (living with a disability has that effect), sometimes I don't know when to stop fighting.
I've been thinking a lot about that lately. I enjoy the challenge that comes from doing something new or proving that I'm strong enough to take on the 'impossible.' But I know I need to pick and choose my challenges. I can't do it all, and I need to guard my energy for the things that matter most.
A friend called me a 'renegade' yesterday when we were discussing my lifepath. He suggested that I can't take the easy way out or follow the herd. He was right in some sense--I crave distinction and I find it more satisfying to live by my values than to conform to society. But I do wonder how much of my choice to live differently is based on an inherent enjoyment of the struggle, rather than the actual outcome.
Pic taken of me (by Dora) in 2005 on my way up the Badaling section of the Great Wall--a tough climb for someone who is as leery of heights as I am--those steps are super steep. But I had to climb even though my tummy was doing backflips--because I just had to!
6/15/2009
lessons
Looking at this picture from last weekend always garners a smile even though I truly sucked at surfing--mostly because I couldn't stay on the surfboard (each time a wave would hit, the weight imbalance between my right and left side would flip the board over). Since the lesson I've been pondering some strategies to make it easier next time. Meanwhile I'll just stick to ocean swimming and/or boogie boarding.
There are two things about this picture that really make me happy:
- In getting out on the board I tried something scary/hard/seemingly impossible. I tried it just to see what would happen. And there's a thrill in doing that and not being afraid of failure (or perhaps realizing that failure will happen and that's okay, too).
- In this image my body looks healthy (especially those shoulders), a far cry from where I was a year ago. I can't say enough how thrilled I am to be strong again. When I move in the buoyancy of the water, the physical difference from my limb loss is erased--I can 'float' and move comfortably, naturally.
My life is a continual journey of lessons and learning. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
PS: For those of you who want to read a bit more about me & mine, I've recently written a piece for The Exponent about my marriage and am quoted on Bill Lobdell's blog. Also, a thoughtful post on Main Street Plaza links back to John & me and here's a gorgeous poem in John's honor from BiV.
6/13/2009
all the pretty flowers...
Nothing profound to say today. Just wanted to share a bit of beauty with you.
:)
