Sure there are moments when it's best not to be too honest--when doing so would offer undue criticism that would hurt another person.
Yet it seems that in telling one's own experiences honesty is an admirable thing. Over the past few years, as I've written much about my experiences as an amputee, as a cancer survivor, and as a Mormon woman, I've tried to be unflinchingly candid and honest. I want to tell my stories truthfully and sincerely. Because truth staves off fear.
However, I was talking with some friends recently who challenged my need for honesty. They asked me why I had informed my LDS leaders that I was no longer planning to attend church. Why hadn't I just drifted into inactivity or gone my own way without need to 'inform' people of my choices? It's a good question, one that I've been muddling over.
And, honestly, I have had many moments over the past few weeks when I should have just lied a little to make it easier. Told a few falsehoods to smooth over the difficulties, or just kept my mouth shut and pretended that everything was okay.
So it's when I have a night like last night, that I wish I'd never been honest. That I wish I was a liar. That I wish I'd just said nothing and pretended that I was complicit.
And I wonder where my honesty has gotten me???
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
C'est moi
I was raised Mormon, but now I'm a hippie Quaker living in the OC with my two teenage kids: CatGirl & GameBoy.
Twenty-six years ago I lost my right leg to bone cancer. Awhile ago I had an antibiotic-resistant infection in my lower left leg, and now I'm healing from surgery and feeling better every day.
I like gardening, making history, outrigger canoeing, trying new things, and my afternoon cup of tea.
"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
~Christopher Robin, Pooh's Grand Adventure
Contact: remyjATucidotedu
Twenty-six years ago I lost my right leg to bone cancer. Awhile ago I had an antibiotic-resistant infection in my lower left leg, and now I'm healing from surgery and feeling better every day.
I like gardening, making history, outrigger canoeing, trying new things, and my afternoon cup of tea.
"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
~Christopher Robin, Pooh's Grand Adventure
Contact: remyjATucidotedu
Tweet Tweet
Support PilgrimSteps
Recent Comments
Popular Posts
Will you join me?
Photography
Categories
- deep thoughts (326)
- photo (289)
- family (196)
- garden (123)
- John (121)
- make me smile (105)
- LDS (103)
- friends (99)
- world (80)
- amputee (74)
- songs/poetry (73)
- books (58)
- women (52)
- simplicity (41)
- Quaker (40)
- school (38)
- making history (31)
- things I like (31)
- if this is you (26)
- outrigger (22)
- classics (21)
- writing (18)
- food (15)
- mary monday (11)
- ssc (10)
- body (9)
- poetry (7)
- podcast (6)
- Book Club (4)
- paddling (4)
- disability (2)
- carnival (1)
- music (1)
9 comments:
I have gone back and forth on this question. How much do I need to tell people? How open should I be? What doubts should I try and discuss?
One positive side to trying to be/being honest is you get to say things out loud. It's like the trick that Church leaders used to get you to bear your testimony. Just get up and say it and when you say it you'll know it's true.
Well they might have had a point. Sometimes you have to say things out loud to other people in order to know how you really feel about them. And sometimes when you say it to some one who didn't want to hear it (parents, leaders etc.) you can guage how strongly you really feel about it.
Love the blog by the way.
Sounds like you had a rough night last night.
It is hard to bring up an issue of conflict (the inherent rejection in choosing to no longer be...), but it is also oppressive to have everyone assuming you are someone you are not.
Wishing you peace and people who love you...
i'm so sorry you've had a rough few days jana. especially at this time of the quarter. :( let me know if there's anything i can do. and know that i appreciate your honesty. i think that in the long run it will prove by far the better choice. in the short term, it is certainly the braver choice; and the one that demonstrates the integrity that makes you who you are.
Jana -
Thank you for writing about this. I have felt the need for the same type of honesty. Where does it get me, personally? It gets me a restful night's sleep. It gets met he ability to look myself in the eye as I get ready in the mirror each morning. It gets me the confidence I need to stand up straight thoughout the day.
I've met many people that don't feel the same need for candid honesty, and it works for them. But somehow "drifiting into inactivity" feels apathetic to me. And I am not apathetic - if you'll excuse me for saying so, I feel that I care more than many of the "active".
Thank you for your candid honesty. It makes me, for one, feel less alone in this world. It helps me learn and causes me to more carefully ponder my own experiences and feelings.
I'd love to get together soon, by the way - I sent an email a week ago or so to see if we could coordinate schedules - I hope you got it!
The ethics do get tricky. However, we are rarely faced with a truly dichotomous choice between truth and falsehood. Often the choices are 'Truth now or postpone full truth until later" or "hard truth versus gentle truth," and so on.
I only know you through the web, but I am willing to bet that your actions are always well considered and within the bounds of truth, virtue and sensitvity.
Honesty is hard! What about those times when you tell someone you don't believe something, then you wake up in the morning and you really do? (or vice versa!) Am I the only one who is confused?
Today I'm grateful for friends who listen to your heart and not to your words.
I wish I could say something absolutely brilliant. Instead I will say that as an individual I am very appreciative for your honesty. It is one the traits that I admire about you and want to embrace more. I think your honesty is what draws so many people to you. I hope things get easier for you soon.
I agree with others that your honesty is a fabulous quality. I wonder if you would really feel *better* if you lied or if it would just be a different pain?
I'm sorry things have been difficult for you, Jana! I tend to think that telling the church you aren't coming back makes a nice clean break for everyone involved... wouldn't dishonesty there just cause further stress down the road? However, this is one area where I really don't understand the situation, so mostly I just wanted to tell you I appreciate your honesty about so many things.
Post a Comment