tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-142315182024-03-07T08:43:10.207-08:00pilgrimstepsjanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.comBlogger1716125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-17071013351091176322010-10-03T09:29:00.000-07:002010-10-03T09:29:51.510-07:00I should mention...As part of building a new online identity-space for myself, and also as part of the realization that I've needed to get off blogger and over to wordpress, my new content can now be found here:<br />
<a href="http://janaremy.com/pilgrimsteps/">http://janaremy.com/pilgrimsteps/</a><br />
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Soon enough I'll be pointing the pilgrimsteps domain name over there, too.janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-70797567565877039652010-09-23T14:02:00.000-07:002010-09-23T17:56:38.841-07:00better than coffee<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/3106659498/" title="clouds by pilgrimgirl, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3039/3106659498_1cf5e834f1.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="clouds" /></a><br />
Today I woke up at an all-too-early hour to join a before-work outrigger practice on my one-person canoe (she was more than a little dusty when I pulled her out of her berth, having sat unused for the past few weeks). It was still dark when I was assembling the connecting pieces between the main part of the boat and the outrigger. I fumbled because I couldn't see what I was doing, and some of the other paddlers gave me a hand. They commented a bit on my boat (she's older, but a classic).<br />
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When I launched into the water of the Back Bay everything was glassy and quiet. The moon was full and high in the sky, and Orion was overhead. I paddled out about a mile to the PCH bridge before I joined the other early-morning stalwarts. I was the only female and the only morning-practice n00b--so I knew I'd be a lot slower than the others. We did 3 sets of pyramid sprints around Lido Island (my very favorite loop in the harbor), pointed straight at the moon as she was setting on the horizon. By the time we came around the far end of the island, the horizon was all aglow with the sun rising on the other side of the sky. The view of the palm trees and hills framed by waves of deepening color was breathtaking. I counted the white heron that flew directly in front of me as I passed Spider Island a good omen.<br />
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The guys gave me a bit of a lead on all the sprints and we finished nearly every piece together (I suspect that they were being easy on me, and I am grateful for that). As I washed my boat and headed back for a shower, I realized that my love for outrigger paddling just grew to whole new level. <br />
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I now have the best reason ever to get out of bed early every morning (and a paddling wake-up call is so much better than coffee). janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-63517011578764707932010-09-20T21:01:00.000-07:002010-09-20T21:34:52.259-07:00Bullsh*t FeminismJust for the record, I'm a big fan of bullshit. In fact, I buy huge bags of it every spring to use in my garden. Sure it's stinky, but it gets the job done.<br />
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Recently, the Feminist Hulk (a tongue-in-cheek twitterer) sent out a tweet about bullshit and it was widely "re-tweeted" (or copied, with attribution) by many users in The Exponent community.* It read:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgON1kn1dostID41HzEGcjjH2C09ZIg_l29q4BkuQvHHhpNvd5AOkw95GCNxPTQ8o0yDkmsH81ja56FAaFSW99gBpKKqqYhAvYf14VUdqbFqwJt1vAWThOhS7ihcwiXeZtxxg6K/s1600/Screen+shot+2010-09-20+at+7.37.42+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="27" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgON1kn1dostID41HzEGcjjH2C09ZIg_l29q4BkuQvHHhpNvd5AOkw95GCNxPTQ8o0yDkmsH81ja56FAaFSW99gBpKKqqYhAvYf14VUdqbFqwJt1vAWThOhS7ihcwiXeZtxxg6K/s400/Screen+shot+2010-09-20+at+7.37.42+PM.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
When I first saw this tweet I bristled a bit at the profanity. These words carry more weight and are somewhat more offensive when in print than when heard in casual conversation. However, that's precisely why I liked the tweet. I felt uncomfortable and it caught my attention. And that discomfort made me think about how feminism is portrayed on <a href="http://www.the-exponent.com/">The Exponent</a> blog. The look of our blog is organic and feminine: pastel colors, the leaf motif, subdued fonts. The photos in the sidebar are artful--all of winsome smiling young women. Not a scary old hairy feminist in the bunch. I'd say that we sit squarely on the "softer side" of the feminist line when compared to mainstream feminist blogs like <a href="http://www.feministing.com/">Feministing</a>, <a href="http://www.bust.com/">Bust,</a> or <a href="http://www.pandagon.net/">Pandagon</a>.<br />
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So when the bullshit post from above was re-tweeted on the official Exponent channel, several of the bloggers protested on the private permablogger listserv. And when the <a href="http://www.the-exponent.com/2010/09/19/twitter-weekly-updates-for-2010-09-19/">week's aggregate feed post</a> went up, the bullshit tweet was removed because it was considered too vulgar for an Exponent post. <br />
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I'm shaking my head here, as I ponder whether feminism is best served with a wink and a smile. Our sisters who fought for the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nineteenth_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution">19th amendment</a> weren't afraid of a little discomfort. I'm not necessarily suggesting that profanity be used in every Exponent post--just the opposite. When used judiciously, the discomfort that results from a smartly-used swear word can serve to illustrate an important point. Because if the Hulk tweet had said simply "RESIST THE PRESSURE TO DOWNPLAY FEMINISM TO MAKE PEOPLE MORE COMFORTABLE. DISCOMFORT CAN BE PRODUCTIVE," I seriously doubt it would have had even half the intended impact. Discomfort can be productive. But when we carefully sanitize our writing so we don't push boundaries or let things get a bit ugly, are we missing out?<br />
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In fact, not one reader even mentioned the Hulk tweet or the profanity in the twitter blogpost. If someone had been offended, I'm sure they would have let us know--the fact that the profanity passed unnoticed by our readers makes me wonder if there was even any cause for concern in the first place. <br />
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When I use steer manure in my garden I have to be cautious to ensure that it's been properly aged or it can burn young seedling plants. Similarly I can see why profanity needs to be used with caution, because of the possibility of "burning" those blogreaders who are only just barely acquainted with feminism or who might be turned-off by a bit of bullshit. But at the same time I can't help but wonder if the discomfort is really our own, and not that of our imagined audience--and if it is, then what are we really afraid of?<br />
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<i>*Note: For new readers of my blog: I'm a founding member of The Exponent blog, which focuses on Mormon feminism and other topics that are relevant to progressive LDS women.</i>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-32434410362410997642010-09-19T13:51:00.000-07:002010-09-19T13:51:42.903-07:00on Walden Pond...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxGHpJDdUoDfkWv5HDQ4OCiDMUFCFHsi8TPkxLNMD6x76ab3NNCW2e_qcdNpRDGFHRd0hfJsQoImIopNBcrHTgtSV5WixmixAhmDufJuMctnr9olJ7LtEB94QJI5r8Lazgkpgu/s1600/walden+apres-swim" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxGHpJDdUoDfkWv5HDQ4OCiDMUFCFHsi8TPkxLNMD6x76ab3NNCW2e_qcdNpRDGFHRd0hfJsQoImIopNBcrHTgtSV5WixmixAhmDufJuMctnr9olJ7LtEB94QJI5r8Lazgkpgu/s320/walden+apres-swim" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">While I was in Boston, I has just enough time (and some willing friends) so I could squeeze in my annual jaunt to Concord and Walden. It was a bit chillier this year than last, but I still had a fabulous swim across the pond.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As I swam I reflected on my many joys of this past year. It's been a good one. I feel so fortunate.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-70857974570991092282010-09-13T19:42:00.001-07:002010-09-13T19:47:18.785-07:00Boston, Boston, Boston!<style type="text/css">
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<div class="flickr-frame"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/2909106493/" title="photo sharing"><img alt="" class="flickr-photo" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3027/2909106493_6a87d8efb5.jpg" /></a><br />
<span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/2909106493/">my henry</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div><div class="flickr-yourcomment">In just a few days I'll head to Boston for an adventure & some time with the Exponent women. I'm not yet sure what lies in store for me there, but Boston has never disappointed! Will it be <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-will-lift-up-my-hands.html">cemeteries </a>and <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2008/09/firsts-alone-edition.html">Harvard tea</a>? Or will it be another <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2009/09/having-fun-in-walden-pond.html">grand leap into Walden Pond</a>? Or <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2008/08/lets-talk-about-spices.html">will I connect with Friends</a>? Or will there be time for <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/mary-monday-lessons-shells-and-solitude.html">communing with the sea</a>?<br />
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Perhaps it will be all of the above!</div>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-48199742585835642702010-09-11T13:06:00.000-07:002010-09-11T13:06:14.067-07:00Catalina Crossing!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJvxVyp2Ed4Vnke83iQiZrmzdgfAfAK1x_9Z1c6AaqzE_8ArNssaKO2BsPqGxWlyA41UlMgIFt1QmQmYDezWqGUg5ulTD9XtQi9ALKAk75rtPFAuQ2WI_WDNwV7rEkykmyUEeP/s1600/Screen+shot+2010-09-11+at+12.57.18+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJvxVyp2Ed4Vnke83iQiZrmzdgfAfAK1x_9Z1c6AaqzE_8ArNssaKO2BsPqGxWlyA41UlMgIFt1QmQmYDezWqGUg5ulTD9XtQi9ALKAk75rtPFAuQ2WI_WDNwV7rEkykmyUEeP/s320/Screen+shot+2010-09-11+at+12.57.18+PM.png" /></a></div>It's that time of year again, when all of my thoughts are focused on the U.S. Outrigger Champs race. The picture above is from last year, where I am sitting in seat 5 (just in front of the steersperson) on the last leg of the race to Descanso Beach.<br />
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I'll ride the Catalina Flyer over to the island early tomorrow morning and then paddle my way home with a Masters Coed team. Three of us paddled together in this race last year, and it was a great experience. I'm looking forward to making more memories!<br />
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If you're local, you might want to head over to Newport Beach to watch the outriggers cross the finish line! We'll come in at the Newport Harbor mouth, come straight down the channel, and finish in front of the turnoff for the Newport Dunes, probably the first boats will arrive around 2pm and the rest of us will trickle in over the next few hours. I'll be texting my location to John occasionally (if I have a signal) and hopefully he'll forward any interesting updates to twitter (@johnremy). If I can, I'll send over some tweets and pics myself while I'm taking a rest on the support boat! :)janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-85959405548147550252010-09-07T14:13:00.001-07:002010-09-07T14:13:48.054-07:00vulnerable<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4955178741/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4148/4955178741_9c47face10.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br /> <span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4955178741/">hospital gowns make me feel vulnerable.</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div> <p class="flickr-yourcomment"> Among the many remembrances of my cancer experience that I carry with me daily is the constant fear of my cancer returning. Though there is little chance that my bone cancer will recur, statistics show that childhood survivors of cancer have high incidence of other forms of cancer as adults. We seem especially prone to breast cancer. Which is why I get screened regularly despite having no family history of the disease.<br /><br />So last week when I had two scans show up with something questionable, I started to get awfully nervous. I couldn't decide if it was a good thing that I had an anniversary getaway planned already to get my "mind off of things" or if it was a bad thing, because it was so hard for me to relax.<br /><br />On Friday afternoon I had more thorough diagnostic scans taken at UCI's cancer center and I just received word that <b>I'm clean</b>. <br /><br />Such a huge sigh of relief. Such a weight off my shoulders. Such a thing to celebrate.</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-10448458207804402722010-09-07T06:03:00.000-07:002010-09-07T09:08:06.664-07:00comfort<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/2583601763/" title="her side of the bed by pilgrimgirl, on Flickr"><img alt="her side of the bed" height="375" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3028/2583601763_32309cf98a.jpg" width="500" /></a><br />
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Last night John walked into our bedroom and found me with the bedcovers covering part of my face. It wasn't until he said something that I realized my hands were pressing the layers of quilt and sheets over my mouth, in an act of self-comfort.<br />
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I think I'd told John before that when I was younger I slept with the covers over my head. Especially on nights that I was scared. Because the warm cocoon of blanket seemed so much safer than whatever loomed in the dark night.janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-36752207742630220402010-09-06T12:04:00.001-07:002010-09-06T12:04:27.403-07:00weekends<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4759308131/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4080/4759308131_a69d484fdb.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br /> <span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4759308131/">splash</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div> <p class="flickr-yourcomment"> It feels so luxurious to have a long holiday weekend! I'm loving the time with family and friends--I even played a board game last night for the first time since April! Such indulgence! :)<br /><br />However, this morning I actually got up extra early snuck back to work for a few hours to do some much-needed furniture rearranging. It felt so good to make the changes that I'd been planning for months. Now I just need a few good plants, some artful color on the bookshelf, and some pictures on the walls. It's amazing how much it's starting to feel as if my office is actually mine now.<br /><br />I also am knee-deep in one new web-based project that I'll be debuting soon--it's the culmination of many months of thought and planning. I can't wait to share it with you...<br /><br />So tell me, what are <i>you</i> doing this holiday weekend?</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-43000600083507707612010-09-05T14:48:00.001-07:002010-09-05T14:50:11.227-07:00simplicity<style type="text/css">
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<div class="flickr-frame"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4961191825/" title="photo sharing"><img alt="" class="flickr-photo" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4087/4961191825_84e1e1248c.jpg" /></a><br />
<span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4961191825/">pale pink camellia</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div><div class="flickr-yourcomment"><br />
</div><div class="flickr-yourcomment"><br />
</div><div class="flickr-yourcomment">This morning in Quaker Meeting we considered the value of simplicity. I thought my readers might enjoy seeing the queries that go along with that value:<br />
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</div><br />
<center><b>Simplicity</b></center><br />
<blockquote><br />
Life is meant to be lived from a Center, a divine Center… a life of unhurried peace and power. It is simple. It is serene. It takes no time, but it occupies all our time.<br />
~ thomas r. kelly, testament of devotion, 1941</blockquote><br />
A life centered in God will be directed toward keeping communication with God open and unencumbered. Simplicity is best achieved through a right ordering of priorities, maintaining humility of spirit, avoiding self-indulgence, resisting the accumulation of unnecessary possessions, and avoiding over-busy lives.<br />
<blockquote>Elise Boulding writes in <i>My Part in the Quaker Adventure</i>,<br />
“ Simplicity, beauty, and happiness go together if they are a byproduct of a concern for something more important than ourselves.”</blockquote><ul><li>Do I center my life in an awareness of God’s presence so that all things take their rightful place?</li>
</ul><ul><li>Do I live simply, and promote the right sharing of the world’s bounty?</li>
</ul><ul><li>Do I keep my life uncluttered with things and activities, avoiding commitments beyond my strength and light?</li>
</ul><ul><li>How do I maintain simplicity, moderation, and honesty in my speech, my manner of living, and my daily work?</li>
</ul><ul><li>Do I recognize when I have enough?</li>
</ul><ul><li>Is the life of our Meeting so ordered that it helps us to simplify our lives?</li>
</ul>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-88341735624042374562010-09-05T09:29:00.001-07:002010-09-05T09:55:53.872-07:00made in China<style type="text/css">
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<div class="flickr-frame"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mindonfire/4952913195/" title="photo sharing"><img alt="" class="flickr-photo" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4095/4952913195_2e4b051e72.jpg" /></a><br />
<span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mindonfire/4952913195/">IMG_2437</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/mindonfire/">mind on fire</a>.</span></div><div class="flickr-yourcomment">My favorite travel bag is the one that I'm carrying in my right hand in this photo. I bought it <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2005/11/tiananmen-square.html">in China </a>the morning before I returned to the States. It was $6. I didn't haggle. It says "ESPBIT" on the logo, which looks just like ESPRIT unless you take a moment to really think about it. It was hard to choose between a red one and the green one--I'm glad I settled on the red.<br />
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I needed an extra bag to bring home some trinkets: a wooden dragon for GameBoy, turquoise silk pajamas for Catgirl, a black cheongsam for me, as well as several pouches of jasmine tea. For John I brought a delicately carved "chop" engraved with his name in Chinese.<br />
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Now I carry my ESPBIT bag to my outrigger races, to conferences, and just about anywhere else I travel. It's outlasted nearly every other suitcase that I've purchased.</div>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-9844376159838297822010-09-04T15:04:00.001-07:002010-09-04T21:12:03.123-07:00escapade<style type="text/css">
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<div class="flickr-frame"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mindonfire/4952909261/" title="photo sharing"><img alt="" class="flickr-photo" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4107/4952909261_7fb8fb6012.jpg" /></a><br />
<span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mindonfire/4952909261/">IMG_2300</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/mindonfire/">mind on fire</a>.</span></div><div class="flickr-yourcomment">To celebrate 18 years of being married, we escaped for a night to a hotel near the Huntington Library (where I had some scholarly meetings the next day). It was bliss to have an evening with John: to relax in a <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mindonfire/4952913195/">shwanky hotel lobby</a> and chat, and then to retire together to piles of pillows and a ginormous cozy bed...The next morning was even better as we indulged in a fancy <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mindonfire/4953504034/">breakfast</a>.<br />
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If someone had told me on September 2, 1992 that 18 years later I'd still be married to John, that I'd be nearly finished with my Ph.D., that our children would be such outstanding people, that I'd be paddling on the ocean several times a week, and that I'd be ambulating on a bionic leg...I would probably have believed them. Because ever since I met John the <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mindonfire/4952909105/">magic of our lives</a> has just continued on and on...</div>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-50547599896766258262010-08-31T19:08:00.001-07:002010-08-31T19:26:34.307-07:00#genderd<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/124984948/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/52/124984948_1dab8102e5.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br />
<span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/124984948/">a proud papa</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div><p class="flickr-yourcomment"> As I <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2010/08/follow-along-with-genderd-on-sept-1st.html">mentioned a few blogposts ago</a>, my #genderd experiment is tomorrow! What I didn't know when I rather randomly chose Sept 1 as the date for this experiment, was that it would involve the celebration of my wedding anniversary.<br />
<br />
September 2nd is official 18th <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2009/09/memories.html">anniversary </a>of the day I agreed to tie my life to John's, but we'll be doing part of our celebrating on the 1st. Which means that my tweets might end a bit earlier in the day than I'd originally planned (ahem).<br />
<br />
So as a bit of an advance on the actual #genderd, this evening I'm posting this picture of John from not-quite 18 years ago. It was taken the day we brought our son home from the hospital, and it shows an aspect of John that I've adored over the years: he is an excellent parent to our children. And while various gendered expectations for men in our society might prescribe a role of a passive or an authoritarian parent, he is neither of those.</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-24138496737804238202010-08-31T07:09:00.001-07:002010-08-31T07:09:53.369-07:00one step at a time<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4872792127/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4114/4872792127_41421d0cc2.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br /> <span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4872792127/">On the wall at the ARC</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div> <p class="flickr-yourcomment"> I'm horribly afraid of heights. So much so that when I find myself in a high place, I'm tempted to just jump because I want the fear to end. Completely irrational, but that's how it feels.<br /><br />So given my fear, rock climbing is just crazy. But I kind of love it anyways. When I'm up on that wall and my heart is pounding so hard from fear, and every muscle is straining...it gives quite an adrenaline rush.<br /><br />But I never look down and I never look too far ahead. I stay focused on the place where I am and the next step. I look for the nearby holds rather than looking back or down.<br /><br />Though as a historian I tend to have an obsession with the past, in my own life I'm learning the importance of being present in the here and now. Rock climbing is a good reminder of that important lesson. When I concentrate on the very place where I am, the fear of what's below or ahead just drops away.<br /><br /><i>Note: Catgirl is on one face of the wall and I'm on the other. :)</i></p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-35943484986729255892010-08-27T20:05:00.001-07:002010-08-27T20:05:40.286-07:00perhaps<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/2483707669/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3257/2483707669_6783524977.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br /> <span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/2483707669/">europe trip</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div> <p class="flickr-yourcomment"> <i>I'm posting this picture simply because I wanted to post something today that just makes me happy. And seeing this picture of Catgirl feeding the birds at Notre Dame cathedral, it's pure happy. :)</i><br /><br />A friend mentioned, in an email, conversation to me recently that she's a 'workaholic.' I hadn't heard that word in a long time, and it caused me to think for a bit. I suppose I've rarely heard that term applied to women--usually it's a term used to denote a man who spends more time at the office than at work. But I began to wonder if maybe I'm a bit of a workaholic. Or, maybe, all of us in academia suffer a bit from the workaholism simply because our work is never done. It never gets left at the office. There are always journals to read, and articles to write, and studies to conduct, and conferences to attend. And all of that on top of our teaching and administrative activities.<br /><br />I think about work nearly all of the time. I can sometimes turn it off if I'm paddling or with my family, but even then I tend to yammer on to my teammates or to John about "something that happened at work today."<br /><br />Surely some of this is the novelty of my new position at Chapman. I have had to learn SO MUCH in the past few months and my brain is constantly spinning on the various tasks associated with my job. And then there's my dissertation, which is congealing much more these days, and as it does so it's just hard to step away from--my subjects are living right alongside me all the time.<br /><br />And I'm certainly happy with my job. So far it's offered a healthy mix of deadlines and projects. That there is no space for complacency is actually a good thing for my personality. I like challenges.<br /><br />But every once in awhile I remember that my current lifestyle is definitely...odd. That I don't just hang out with friends anymore...makes me a bit wistful for the days that we had friends over for games nearly every weekend. That I've only read one poem in as long as I can remember seems....so unlike me and there is this part of me that craves words as juicy as oranges.. That I haven't planted anything new in my garden since May....makes me wonder if some part of me is dying on the vine. <br /><br />I don't know. Perhaps it's just a temporary thing. And next year when that dissertation is filed and my job becomes more routine, then there will be time for poetry and friends and flowers once again.</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-10940849461086237882010-08-26T16:39:00.001-07:002010-08-26T22:22:06.787-07:00why I am probably the wrong person for my job...<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/2305437624/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2010/2305437624_06393fa8cf.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br />
<span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/2305437624/">she likes the asus, too</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div><p class="flickr-yourcomment"> At Chapman I spend a lot of time coaching faculty on how they can use technology in the classroom. This past week--the first week of the semester--numerous times faculty have told me "I just don't want to learn one more piece of software." This usually happens after I've gushed about some type of tool that would help them solve a problem.<br />
<br />
I gush far too much.<br />
<br />
What the faculty need is not someone like me who <i>loves</i> to experiment with new software, who thinks a great weekend is one that involves a fresh install of WordPress, or who dreams about digital tools (yes, I'm embarrassed to admit that many of my dreams have involved magical plugins). They need someone who thinks they way they do.</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-37370937362201980902010-08-23T21:41:00.001-07:002010-08-23T21:41:46.351-07:00at the beach<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/3837267307/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2617/3837267307_1e3ece91e8.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br /> <span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/3837267307/">girls at the beach</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div> <p class="flickr-yourcomment"> Our neighbor took this gorgeous picture of our daughters at the beach. I'm posting it today because my hands are exhausted from a full day of typing and my head is overwhelmed at the way my "little ones" are growing up so quickly.<br /><br />At Chapman all of the freshmen are arriving this week for Orientation. They are wandering all around the campus with their parents in tow. It won't be so very long before that is me, launching my kids into the next phase of their lives...</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-4106331266573542782010-08-20T21:30:00.001-07:002010-08-20T21:47:49.391-07:00Follow along with #genderd on Sept 1st<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/peterjohnchen/2420055318/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3232/2420055318_e1c51ddd97.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br />
<span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/peterjohnchen/2420055318/">Put Your Gender in the Blender</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/peterjohnchen/">Peter John Chen</a>.</span></div><p class="flickr-yourcomment">About ten years ago began to think deeply about the ways I was gender-typing my children. Though I've always been a fairly open-minded parent, I could see that my gentle teasing to my son about his interactions with the cute girls in his class, or my suggestion to my daughter that she style her hair a particular way were based on the gender stereotypes that I didn't necessarily agree with ideologically. And while I saw that my academic language was evolving to me more gender-neutral, sometimes I had to work hard to be more inclusive with gender-based ideas in my parenting and other daily interactions. This wasn't because I held gendered expectations about my children per se, it was more due to the pervasive way in which it was unknowingly embedded my behavior and speech. <br />
<br />
When I recently went through the SafeSpace training for Chapman University, we participated in an exercise that caused us to reflect on the many ways our society creates and reinforces sex-based binaries. Since then I've made note of each time I've been forced to declare my gender and wondered how awkward it might feel if my gender assignment at birth and my gender expression were different. I've marveled at how frequently those Male/Female questions are asked on forms for travel, medical care, employee benefits, and financial records. When possible, I've stopped declaring my sex, but I rarely see this as an allowed option (and I hate that word "other" on sex-based questions--how dehumanizing that seems). <br />
<br />
Because I think so much of the way we experience gendered expectations on a daily basis is subtle--so subtle we don't even notice it--I am going to try an experiment in a few weeks and hope you'll join in. On September 1st, I'm going to tweet every moment in my day that I experience a gendered interaction. Whether it's the choice of a restroom to use, an interaction where I'm callled "ma'am," a time when I'm forced to make a choice on a form that asks for F or M, or any other moment where I feel that gender plays a role in my day. If you're willing, I'd like for you to join me in this exercise, and also participate in reflecting on the experience either here in the comments of this post or on your own blog. For easy searching I'll be marking my tweets with the hashtag #genderd (shorthand for "Gender Day"), and will <a href="http://twapperkeeper.com/hashtag/genderd">collect all the tweets into a twapperkeeper</a> for archival purposes.</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-48898459431443912432010-08-19T21:15:00.000-07:002010-08-19T21:15:19.449-07:00go-wallaJust a few days ago, I joined up with gowalla.com. I'm feeling a lot like I did a few years ago when I <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2008/11/tweet-tweet.html">first joined twitter</a>--the possibilities of this new platform aren't yet apparent to me. But I have friends who really enjoy geo-tagged games (so I'm convinced I just might, too), and I have to admit that there's something kind of fun about "checking in" at different places and seeing other people who have also frequented those same spaces. <br />
<br />
But I have to say, probably the main reason that I joined, is because I'm bringing my phone along with me to when I <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2009/09/catalina-crossing.html">canoe to Catalina</a> this year. And you can bet that as soon as I've paddled all those miles over, I'm going to be celebrating by broadcasting my geolocation far and wide.<br />
<br />
Today I came across this video of <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2009/08/oceanside.html">last year's Oceanside outrigger race</a>. In this vid I'm steering a coed crew and I appear at around 55 seconds from the right side of my boat, and then a few seconds later from the left side (I'm wearing a green baseball cap). Can't you just see how exciting the race is from this video! The waves were particularly rough that day and several boats tipped over. On the 28th I'll be paddling in Oceanside again, and then Sept. 11th will be the big Catalina crossing. Woot!<br />
<br />
<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/6320110" width="400" height="225" frameborder="0"></iframe><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/6320110">Oceanside Women's Race</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/andrewwaldron">Andrew Waldron</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-49918439219772416102010-08-19T07:10:00.001-07:002010-08-19T09:34:07.434-07:00open<style type="text/css">
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</style><br />
<div class="flickr-frame"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mindonfire/4906165283/" title="photo sharing"><img alt="" class="flickr-photo" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4080/4906165283_19a1d26df2.jpg" /></a><br />
<span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mindonfire/4906165283/">365:83 Uncaged; Taking Flight</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/mindonfire/">mind on fire</a>.</span></div><div class="flickr-yourcomment">The picture that John posted today, "Taking Flight," resonates on many different levels. Not only does he look as though he's hovering mid-air, but his posture also brings to mind the images of Christ hanging on the cross.<br />
<br />
For me, however, what I first noticed about this image, was how his chest is open to receive the world. When I do yoga, many of my favorite poses involve opening my chest in this same way. It's an exposed feeling to lead with one's heart like this. It's vulnerable. But given that so much of what we do in our lives involves holding things close, shoulders hunched over and arms grasping, it feels good to open up and let go. To let the world take us where it will.<br />
<br />
One of my favorite things is to float on the ocean in this posture--arms outstretched and heart filling up with the sun.</div>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-48650090496215510602010-08-17T21:52:00.001-07:002010-08-17T21:52:47.471-07:00ghostly<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4760492035/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4081/4760492035_157b9b1629.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br /> <span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4760492035/">ghosty laundry line</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div> <p class="flickr-yourcomment"> A few days ago I saw someone on Twitter poking fun at the Hipstamatic filter for iPhone that's so popular right now. They were saying how ridiculous it is for 'hipsters' to use an app for creating poor-quality photos.<br /><br />I agree that the Hipstamatic is a wee bit over-trendy right now, but I completely understand the addiction. The pic above is one example of a random picture that I took that turned out to be surprisingly interesting. It's of clothes hanging on a laundry line in a local history museum in the Lake District. I love how ethereal it looks because of its blurriness. <br /><br />Of course, you might disagree.</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-35141012549684632742010-08-17T21:11:00.000-07:002010-08-17T21:11:44.822-07:00What Has to be Done, reduxMany of you might remember my blogpost from two years ago, "<a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2008/08/what-has-to-be-done.html">What Has to Be Done</a>." That post, and <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2008/08/foray.html">the talk</a> I gave alongside famous blogger <a href="http://www.dooce.com/daily-photo/2008/08/11/and-then-my-father-had-coronary">Heather Armstrong</a> (of dooce.com) brought over 30,000 new readers to my blog. What a hard time that was. As I suffered through the pain of my <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2008/08/inside-out.html">surgery</a> and the side-effects of the intensive antibiotic therapy, I wondered whether my plans to finish my PhD were evaporating. I questioned whether my mobility might be forever impacted by the surgery and the persistence of the infection. I marveled at the support of <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2008/07/lover.html">my family</a> and <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2008/08/if-this-is-you-soup-brigade-edition.html">my community</a> even as I worried about <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2008/07/update-with-some-details.html">John's ability</a> to hold together our lives while my health was<a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2008/07/again.html"> so fragile</a>.<br />
<br />
About a year ago, I faced another moment of "what had to be done" when local LDS leaders chose to summon my spouse to <a href="http://pilgrimgirl.blogspot.com/2009/09/this-post-brought-to-you-by-letter-or.html">an ecclesiastical court</a>. I attended that event to testify on his behalf, and also to observe the events closely. It was a time when my own relationship with the church was tenuous, and seeing how this event proceeded was a significant step in my realization that I could no longer be an active adherent of the Mormon faith. Lately many of those feelings have been bubbling up again--I drive past the temple and the local LDS meetinghouse almost daily, which serves as a constant reminder of the church's impact on my life. Even now I remain cosmically disappointed in the Mormon church and its leaders (on all levels--local, regional, and global), despite supporting my friends who are members. I feel a rather irrational amount of anger at the group of men who conducted John's church court proceedings, especially because they were people in whom I'd once placed a great deal of trust. Distancing myself from the church wasn't because<a href="http://latterdaymainstreet.com/?p=2760"> I was "offended"</a> by these leaders, it was that I could no longer put my faith in an institution where leaders could wield so much power (such as the power to sever my sealing to my spouse) so irresponsibly. Choosing to walk away from my LDS community was hugely difficult for me, given all that I had invested in the church through the years.<br />
<br />
On July 25th this year (in sharp contrast to July 25th two years ago when I was being re-admitted to the hospital for my leg infection), I was in Fairfax, Virginia meeting with a group of twelve digital humanists to embark on a <a href="http://oneweekonetool.org/">radical tool-building experiment</a>. My colleague Effie, described our process on her blog today as "<a href="http://smithsonian20.typepad.com/blog/2010/08/rapid-development-at-a-162-year-old-institution.html">doing what needs to be done</a>" (see the last paragraph). I loved that she said that, because I hadn't thought of our fast-paced development process in that way until now. That phrase helped me to see the connective threads in my life from a point two years ago when I was purely in 'survival' mode, to the point that I'm at now with an abundance of opportunities ahead. I feel as though the lessons I've learned since then continue to serve me in my scholarly and creative work, as well as in my spiritual life. For now, "what needs to be done" is to focus on my dissertation while juggling an exciting array of side projects and the needs of my family (as well as squeezing in plenty of time out paddling on the ocean and time for quiet contemplation--sometimes simultaneously). I feel so fortunate to have the health and confidence to move forward with my dreams. These past two years have taught me much.janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-67917723335610403252010-08-11T16:06:00.001-07:002010-08-11T16:06:11.870-07:00artful<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4883175263/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4141/4883175263_c68037e9d7.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br /> <span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4883175263/">catgirl self-po</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div> <p class="flickr-yourcomment"> This self-portrait by my daughter is so gorgeous to me. Because it's such a perfect rendering of her, and because of the skill used in making it so.<br /><br />That it won a Silver Medal in a prestigious art competition is just icing on the cake. :)</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-58601687124933001712010-08-10T22:42:00.001-07:002010-08-10T22:42:51.093-07:00dreamy<style type="text/css">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }</style><div class="flickr-frame"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4850921045/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4122/4850921045_ebdef7d050.jpg" class="flickr-photo" alt="" /></a><br /> <span class="flickr-caption"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilgrimgirl/4850921045/">IMG_0440</a>, originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/pilgrimgirl/">pilgrimgirl</a>.</span></div> <p class="flickr-yourcomment"> The other day I had a cardamon-rose cupcake (sprinkled with real rose petals--so pretty!). I kind of can't stop dreaming about how much I enjoyed it. But I seem to do the same with just about anything rose-flavored. I think I love the way the sweetness and the scent travel from my tongue to my nose. Just like all those roses in my garden that are so fragrant I want to dig right into them with a spoon! (yum)</p>janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14231518.post-74701177961978653832010-08-08T15:51:00.001-07:002010-08-08T15:51:26.589-07:00goal-settingRecently I heard someone make a funny comment about blogs. They said that every time they'd ever seen a blogger write a post saying that there were going to start posting more often, it never happened. I suspect that I am guilty of that myself. Not so much in this space, where I seem to have a compulsive need to spew my thoughts out over the keyboard, but much more so on my <a href="http://makinghistorypodcast.com/">History blog</a>. However, as much as it might not work that blogging about the need to blog more does not actually inspire one to blog more frequently, I believe that blogging about goals can introduce a level of accountability that really can work. For example, an exercise blog that I participated in a few years ago is what got me into shape after my leg surgery.<br />
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<br />
So this afternoon I just made some calculations about the biggest looming-out-there goal that I need to accomplish. I want to finish my dissertation. Sooner rather than later. By that, I mean that I want to finish it by my next birthday. At the end of May. I have all kinds of motivation to do so. There's that UCI tution that's costing me $12,000 per year. There's the knowing that the longer it takes to finish, the less likely it is that I will finish. There's that wild crazy dream of have of putting those little letters by name to show that I finished. And, there are these history stories that I've been wanting to tell for too many years now.<br />
<br />
<br />
So....my rough calculations tell me that I have 45 weeks to knock this thing out. I think I can do it. I've just learned what I can accomplish in <a href="http://oneweekonetool.org/">One Week</a>, and now I have 45 of those!<br />
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<br />
But can you help me? Can you offer advice and ask me how things are going? I'm going to post many of my daily and weekly goals on <a href="http://twitter.com/janaremy">Twitter</a>. If you hang out in that space, can you follow along and give me some support?janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06538362162139679868noreply@blogger.com7